Lost loved one

Lost loved one:

 

Tears drop from my face, starring at my grandma’s plaque. It pains me to see her name in graced in the ground, as she lays under there sound asleep. So many emotions, memories, and thoughts run throw my aching body; it brings me down. It's never easy to lose a loved one, and it's never easy to actually understand how that person feels. I dread every day that passes by without my grandma. It was hard to breathe and to go in life without her. All I wanted was my grandma back in my arms, but I've always told myself to not be selfish and to have respect for my beautiful grandma's wishes. That moment will never happen until it is my time to join her in the other world.
Growing up as a girl, I was always around my grandma. I practically lived with her and my grandpa. My grandma was a beautiful Italian woman. However at times it was hard to communicate with her because she spoke no English what so ever. I loved to be around her and I was extremely attached to her. As I got older, my grandma aged as well and slowly she was unable to help my grandpa out, let alone herself. In the afternoon my parents received a phone call, an emergency call informing us that my grandma was seriously hurt. We drove to a little town name Yolo; it was about a ten minute drive away. Being a young girl, I thought it was an ordinary day visiting my grandma, but for the first I saw my grandma laying on the floor, crying and was unable to picking herself up. My grandpa had old-timers and he brutally beaten my grandma to death. Her legs were the colors of blue and purple, my parents helped my grandma up and my mom tried icing my grandma’s legs down. My grandma explained to my father that my grandpa forgot who she was, and that she screamed help and tried to tell my grandpa that it was his wife. She said that he whipped her with his wooden cane. My eyes watered up because I was scared, terrible for my grandma protection; she saw me tearing up and all she could tell me was " I ciwrnia cholo mia ". To translate this it means “look how beautiful you are”. She was brave and didn't want me to worry about her but no matter what I was worried for my grandma’s safety.
As the next day went by my parents, and my dad’s seven brothers and two sisters all agreed to have my grandma move in with me and my parents temporary. As much as I was happy to have my grandma living with us, that excitement did not last too long. Unfortunately, my grandma developed antimeres and completely changed who she was. "You’re the devil, your trying to poison me!" my grandma screamed at my mom, she wasn't thinking right. She had two strokes and started hallucinating about everything. My grandma would yell and scream at my mom accusing her of being Satin. Grandma was terrified of my mother; her hallucinations were so bad that she told my dad that she saw my mom cook a dog's head in the oven. It doesn’t just end there grandma said that she saw my mother shrink me and my dad in the oven. In the middle of the night I woke up to the sound of ambulance serene and lights, my mom heard my grandma praying and went in the living room to check on her. My mom walked in and saw my grandma hanging over the television screen, while having a stroke. My grandma thought she was walking in our hallway but it was the television. The ambulance placed my grandma in the back of the vehicle and rushed her to the hospital. All I remember was me crying in the hall, I was hoping that she would be okay.  Days later my grandma came back home and everything just seemed to get worse. I ran to the front of the house hearing my grandma yelling at my mom for poisoning her with her daily medication pills. My mom called my dad and two aunties for help. My grandma pushed my mother out the way so she could leave the house. Grandma got her cane and tried to walk out the front of the door. But my dad and aunties beat her to the door and tried to calm my grandma down. My grandma was losing herself, it was hard for her to even understand what my family was trying to tell her. She even at times didn’t remember them, and always asked who they were.
Right then and there my family came to the conclusion that it was best to have my grandma in a twenty four hour senior center where she could be watches over better. The first day I walked in the senior center, and I didn't like what I saw. As you walked in it seemed like everyone was having the life sucked out of them. Even the employees looked like they were begging to get out of there. It looked as if I walked into a scary movie, where people looked possessed and seemed so depressed. I had a feeling this wasn’t the right place for my grandma, but I could not judge an adults opinion.
My grandma was starting to have more and more strokes, so she never really knows where she was, who she was or who her family was. So from my grandma saying “Hola pita” to" who are you" was a heart breaker. All I that was going through my head was I’m your granddaughter. How could you forget me, I’m named after you. My grandma just stared at me weird like she’s never seen me before. It was hard to cope with the fact my own grandma didn’t even recognize me. My grandma stayed at Alderson’s a metal hospital that took care of her for twenty-four hours. This one night my grandma began her frequent strokes. But these strokes were not the normal as before. My family all called the kids and grandkids to show up to see her. At first I was the only kid there, my cousin Tania wanted to take me to her house because all the other grandkid were there. So I went to her house. As I was on my cousin bed laying down with everyone. I couldn’t help think that it was wrong for me not to be there next to my grandma for support. I had my cousin take me back to the hospital my grandma stayed at. As I arrived there, there had to been forty family members sitting & crying to say their goodbyes to grandma. My dad, mom and I said our good byes. I told her I loved her with all my heart and I'll miss her. She already looked gone, she was pail white and wasn’t moving at all. I gave her a kiss on the check & looked at my grandpa. We were sitting in the hallway all praying. All I member was my uncle Joe screaming "No!” and heard him punch the wall and he ran out the hospital with tears. When he was saying his blessings my grandma, she died in his arms. So I know I just lost my grandma and I looked at my grandpa question how he felt and that I just wanted my grandma to be next to me. My grandpa just looked so still and so hurt. He had no emotions to his face, but you could just see that it was hard for him to breathe know the love of his life is now gone. I member seeing my dad crying between his legs with my Tia Isabel telling him that " Mom is in peace & you have to be strong!". My dad couldn't speak because he just lost his mom and I know that it was a lot to take in.

It is now eight years later, and I still stand over her grave. I would pray that she didn’t have to leave me. It was so hard to cope and understand that in life everyone has a time to go. But I just wished life wasn’t like that, it all seems like life isn’t fair. Now that I’m older, I am not so ignorant. I wanted to be greedy and keep my grandma her, but I never thought of how it would make her feel. I never took into consideration that she thought it was her time to go. I stand over her grave with closure, no matter what I am sad that my grandma is gone. But at the same time, I am so happy she has finally found her peace. She is in a better place. I smile with tears knowing that I have memories with my grandma that I am so thankful for. Every time before I leave her grave, I blow her a kiss and tell her this isn’t goodbye this is see you later.