Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My Naseating Love Story


Driving westbound on the dark empty 1-5 all I could think of was, “Did that actually just happen?!”. Five long months of waiting and wanting and within a matter of hours all of that unsettled anxiety was demolished and it was everything I could have ever wanted and more. I began to think back to the beginning of all of this and it seemed so distant and unreal. But tonight, tonight was something out of a story book, something you see in romantic comedy. Tonight was the night that I finally saw my Mr. Perfect. Could this actually be happening to me? Five long months ago my life was completely different, all because of him.

            “Brrrrrrinnggggg, briiinnggg!” my phone hissed at me while walking to my car after class. Unknown number, that’s odd? I picked up half irritated. “Heyy, when are you coming!?” the unknown voice commanded. “Umm, I think you have the wrong number?” I half laughed. “Nick?” the unknown voice went on. “No, this is Kiersten, you must have the wrong number” I persisted. “Click!” The other side of the line went flat. Annoyed by the guys tone I stammered angrily into my car. Within seconds I received a text, “Hey, sorry about that must have dialed the wrong number. You have a pretty voice though”. Feeling brave I went on to ask him who he was, where he was from, and how he got my number. Quickly I came to the realization he was my older brothers best friend from his sophomore year in high school, Ben. Ben was now living in Washington going to school there and had no intentions of ever wanting to come back to the drab and country bumpkin Woodland, California. We texted non-stop the entire day asking each other question after question, digging deeper  into each others lives.

Days turned into a week and before I knew it texts turned into hours of talking on the phone. I never felt a connection with anybody like that before. Sure I had boyfriends in the past, but in comparison, nothing felt like this. Night after night of five hour phone calls and day after day of texting non-stop, we couldn’t get enough of each other. Looking back now it was half nauseating to think how often we spoke; it was like a middle school crush. I opened up to him faster than I ever had with anybody else and as did he. He knew more about me than most of my closest friends. Everything was absolutely perfect… except for the distance. The distance was the one thing that kept my Mr. Perfect, everything I could have ever wanted, prince charming Ben and I from having that dream relationship that I daydreamed (guiltily quite often) about. I hated the distance it was my mortal enemy that left a gapping hole in my chest. My subconscious glared bitchily at the distance on a daily basis. But Ben was always glass half full, he persisted and promised everyday that he would find a way to see me. But as months bore on, I began losing all hope. Mr. Perfect and I realistically would never have a future, and I felt like all of my unanswered prayers would remain in God’s inbox unopened.

Friday, November 4th, 2011 my heart literally skipped a beat. To most people that Friday was just any other day of the week, but to me, it was the day I found out that Ben was good for his word. That Friday was the day I found out that my Mr. Perfect was driving to see me. That Friday was the day that all of those whispered sweet nothing promises would be kept and I was completely and utterly thrilled. Ben recently acquired quite a large chunk of money due to inheritance and could finally afford to pay for the gas to come see me and that Sunday I would finally see him. This news made me more excited than when I was 5 and found out that I was going to Disneyland. God finally checked his email and archived my prayer into his immediate response file.

The next two days went by at a sluggish snail pace. I literally glared at the clock accusingly and quizzically for moving so slow.  I tried to occupy my time buying a new outfit to wear to see him, getting a manicure and pedicure, getting my hair done, going to the gym, and even reorganizing and remodeling the furniture in my room. Everything that could possibly be done on my To-Do list was done and redone and all that remained was time in and of itself. I found myself becoming practically robotic because all I could focus on was the concept of actually seeing him. With nothing left to do, my worst enemy seemed to peer its head around the corner of my subconscious and suddenly I was filled with self-doubt.  Pinging questions that I buried deep in my brain instantaneously began to resurrect themselves. What if I’m not everything he expected? What if things go terribly? What if it’s different in person? What if I’m not pretty enough for him? What if he lied and he’s actually a 46 year old unemployed man living in his mother’s basement that plays Xbox day in and day out? What if he’s missing a leg or has a beard or something? The questions began to get more and more psychotic the longer I pondered them. But the one question I feared the most prominently stood tall in front of the rest. What if I never see him again after tomorrow? My heart began to sink at that thought. What if I never see my Mr. Perfect after today? To Ben, it seemed self-evident that it would be nearly impossible that tomorrow wouldn’t go perfectly. He reassured me over and over to the point where it was almost a joke to him that we would be okay and it was going to be everything we cooped it up to be. But still, I doubted everything and feared losing him.

Finally, Sunday arrived. I remember that day more vividly in my mind than almost any other in my life. Even now I can close my eyes and practically feel the sun rays of that oh so sunny day on my skin. I awoke that morning to my phone ringing; it was Ben telling me that he was finally here and checked into his hotel in Sacramento. He gave me all of the linguistics of when and where we would meet, I agreed. “Capitol Park at noon.” I repeated it to myself as a personal mantra for the rest of the morning. Slowly and tentatively I showered and blow dried my hair. I perfectly applied my make-up as if I were an artist painting a master piece. With great patience I curled my hair into perfect spring curls and proceeded to brush them out giving them the perfect beach wave. I slide into my $43.76 dress from Urban Outfitters that hugged my curves in all of the right places and slide on my strappy sandals. Buckling the final buckle I looked into my large oak framed mirror. Starring back at me was an impeccably groomed girl with the goofiest, almost ridiculous smile on her face. I looked beautiful, and for the first time in a long time I felt beautiful. I couldn’t believe it, today is finally the day that I’ve been day dreaming about for months. Butterflies enveloped my stomach as I looked at that clock. Nearly, 11:30, it was time to go. I got into my 1997 Gold Ford Taurus and made my way east on I-5. All I can remember now about that drive was hearing the slow melodies of Cold Play on the radio and before I knew it I was parking in a packed parking garage in Sacramento and slowly walking the three blocks through the bustling city to Capitol Park. My heart was pounding a million miles an hour, surely everyone in the park could hear the ever present “bum-boom” loudly thudding along. I sat on a green steel bench and buried my face in my hands. Why was I so goddamn nervous? When suddenly I felt a tap, tap, tap on my shoulder. Turning my head I saw my Mr. Perfect standing with the most perfect white toothed half-grin I’ve ever seen. In that moment every doubt I ever had melted away and I knew that I was head-over-heels, crazy and stupidly in love with him and I thought to myself, this all started with a misdialed call…

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